Reviewed by Jason Meckes

Okay.. where to begin... where to begin...

Ah yes, let's get the worst out of the way in the beginning, shall we? The scenery is atrocious. The animation is pathetic. The cinematography is horrendous, and the plain of interest is barren. I downloaded this movie for 2 reasons: To support movies that have this much work put into them, and because many big names seemed to give it outstanding remarks. Spoilers will undoubtedly follow:

Part 1... I liked this part. Good rising tension, a character we could understand, and actions made just. The problem is that this 'part' is hardly 1/3 of the movie. I believe it's somewhere closer to 1/10 or so. Anyway, from this beginning we find what we should expect of the rest of the movie: Negative par animation and scenery, but interesting characters, and with luck, a good story to back them up. Honestly, I think most everyone knew this to begin with, but yeah, these were solidified in the first 5 minutes.

Then, oh horror of horrors, Part 2 starts up. We are gagged with an unbelievably misplaced credits scene, well past the time for introductions and formalities. But I guess that's forgivable.

We meet the next set of characters rather... oddly. As customary in a Ching movie, the mother of the Weatherbee household is quite promiscuous. Little Jim's reaction to finding this out is quite believable. Different is the reactions of his mother, and her 'lover,' Andres. Now it's nice that you were kind enough to bless little Andres with what seems to be a six-pack, and further yet, a rather lively sex life, but let's get back to the real world for a bit... he would not be nearly as composed when meeting up with Jim and his father. That said, he probably wouldn't be giving his lover tips on how to handle her son after this, either.

I'm just gonna assume that this is all supposed to be comical, though. Okay, I'll try to forget it. I'll move onto the Mr. Penn scene. So he seems to be lending a room out for rent, provisions including a good roof, company to talk to, and food to eat. Why he does this... in his own master home, we aren't quite told. In fact, Mr. Penn, for not liking the looks of this "hobo," and especially for taking a risk with him not being able to pay the rent (And never succeeding to do so, I might add), does not seem to be the wily and careful business he is played to be. Furthermore, he goes from calling his guest "Foo" to such extremes as "Poverty stricken transient." I'd say that Mr. Penn's housing a Teller or two in that head as well.

* Skips the scene where Jeff's 3 year old brother discovers 3dmm and, with the camera button turned on, drives the cab off of the bridge in only a few hundred frames *

Mr. Penn and Jim's father are apparently chums, meeting at "Rich Man's Paradise." Well, out of nowhere, a renegade L is thrown at the back of Penn's head. Later actions lead us to believe that this is indeed a gun, and it was thrown by an unknown and unseen masked villain. Or something of that sort. Mr Weatherbee, possibly intimidated by suddenly being half the size of his friend in this scene, follows Mr. Penn towards the gun's source without question. WELL, we arrive at Bob's Gun shop, and the teller, who I suspect is Bob himself, calls for Andres to come from the back room to meet his lover, a new arrival at the shop. Let it be noted that for the remainder of the movie, Bob must've had a heck of a constipation streak going, as we never. see. him. again. Oh, but things are looking interesting... All of our characters mosey on into the gun shop, and personalities immediately begin to clash for supremacy. Just as things really start to heat up, Rob Domkey himself arrives as a sort of savior. To us, that is, as we are now cued to open the final chapter of this movie. w00t

We meet the officers again, blah blah, phone calls made, blah blah. It is here that we meet some of the most hideous dialogue and scripting of the movie, if you can believe such is possible. An order is made to ready the snipers. Too bad officer Lindel was obviously incompetent with the order, as a development such as that could've easily resolved the situation, and cut the movie in half. No such luck, but we can't be mad at Lindel.. who knows what troubles he met anyhow. His troubles couldn't have possibly outweighed officer Prekesh's, though. For the troubles he would encounter include some of the worst dialogue I've seen since... since... Say, when was Date Rape released anyhow? Well either way, in a pitiful display of tried-and-failed drama, the officer nearly breaks down crying in the first sentence of the conversation. "My son. My son, the guy I love most in my whole life!!" I'm hoping this was a joke, and luckily Robert set the sad sack straight soon after. Actually, the conversation past this point is pretty good! I really like Domkey's lines, as well as his tone. Dustin, I presume, played the part? Yeah, he's darn good. Anywho, only a few more logical fallacies enter in the coming scenes, such as where Robert gives Laura's name, and the place where she works on the telephone. Bongo, never hearing the call, should really shake the hands of his hearing aide provider, as he did indeed succeed in his mission, as we find out much later.

The rest of the movie. It's good, actually. It's pretty good! BUT, it's far from perfect. I'm just gonna go ahead and further the proof of male PMS by listing a few of the problems I had in the scenes following:

-The marijuana dog. Okay, I understand that was humor. Not quite tasteful humor, but I caught that one. Still, it's not a plus.
-It's a hostage situation. You don't let people use cell phones. You don't let them let others use it after them.
-Domkey announces that he's gonna be 'in the back room' with Laura for 30 minutes. 30 minutes. Well, being civilized hostages, they all decided to stay and resolve their differences, rather than escape and be free of captivity.
-Mrs. Weatherbee was totally outclassed vocally
-This list... seemed so much longer when I was thinking about it beforehand. Well now I'm screwed, I guess I'll move onto things I LIKED in the coming scenes:

-New directors jump in. Lizard, I later learn, makes some extremely well-directed scenes showing Domkey embracing each of his hostages. This scene alone earned the movie an extra point.
-I liked the boss' interaction with Rob. He said no. That's just awesome.
-The cell phone thingy. I didn't see it coming, that was good.
-The emotion suddenly stops being forced... the camera slowly begins to gander it's own emotions, free of the dialogue
-Most of the problems people had were solved. But not ALL of them, that's good. You need a little imperfection here and there

Whoa.. suddenly I'm getting into the movie. I'm being drawn to the characters. I'm being rewarded for the other 48 minutes! The hostages are all set free, and Domkey is the last one out (Except for the still missing Bob the gunsmith, that is). Now it not only gets good, but INTERESTING as well! BLAMO! A shot is heard, and Domkey falls to the floor. Holy poopballs, I actually didn't expect this at all... why did they shoot??! A text box shows up and reads "10 seconds earlier". Hmm.. that's pretty cool! I don't believe I've ever seen a move made like that in a movie, where we are taken back only a mere 10 seconds, but it makes all the difference!

Penn, for fear of being prosecuted (We assume), jumps over the caution line, grabs Lindel's gun, and so signs his and Robert's death warrants. Penn, after shooting down Robert, turns towards Tom Cing, at which time he is gunned down. What's odd, though, is that in the scenes before this, Lindel was the only officer not holding a gun up. Then, after his inviso-gun was taken, he remembers that he packed his 'back-up heat' for just such an emergency, and becomes the one to stop his former gun thief. Ohh that crazy Lindel.

Luckily, that's the last major oddity of the flick. Well, rather than the hospital hiring some young punk to do the work of a doctor; informing the crew of Robert's demise. The entire cast finds themselves, the following year, at the place where Domkey was buried. In the (Second, in my opinion) shining moment of the movie, young Jimbo recaps the last year, and thanks Robert for his selflessness. Jaymond is truly the best voice actor that has ever graced this community.

After this, the credits roll, and I am sorry.. no, make that VERY sorry to admit that right after finishing this movie, I went out to download as many 'Count the Stars' songs as I could. Man I suck, but it's just... too true, my taste in music is worse than Jeff Ching's.

I've got to admit, at the end there, I was really feeling some emotion for the characters, and the movie as a whole. Although I also felt that it was forced in many, many areas, it still was there. Points. 

Now, if you've finally made it through my impossibly-critical review of this movie, I commend you. I hate myself for making it, and I hate myself more for sounding like I hated this movie. I did NOT hate the movie, not one bit. There are THOUSANDS of others out there SOOOO much worse that this, it'll boggle your mind. Jeff asked for my honest opinion on some things, and I will admit, I did not give him that... I over-emphasized many of my points, hopefully to get the points across I was trying to make.

Jeff, you are a wonderful writer, and I think you've got a real way with characters and their buildup. I figure that you probably let too many things 'just slide' because this was a 3d movie, which I feel was a mistake. Perhaps it helped the comic atmosphere you were aiming for, but that area didn't really appeal to me either.

I think a live-action Ching movie would be awesome.

Either way, I'm gonna give my honest rating on the movie:

4.5/10
Animation and direction are sacrificed to bring a drama to life over a 52 minute roller coaster of human interaction

I recommend you get someone to make a special edition of this. With the proper camera angles, drama can be so much better captured. Good job, though.