Reviewed by Andres De La Hoz

Wow, this movie fucking sucked. Its suck-factor, however, is a different type of suck-factor than the one present in a motherfucking catastrophe of the likes of that Backwards chain piece of shit. This is the type of movie that sucks because you spend the whole time thinking "this could be way, way better". It's not unredeemable. A very good movie could be made from some of what's here. But this isn't the good movie that could have been made out of it. Jake is flawed in 2 aspects: direction, and script. And since that's pretty much what makes a 3dmm, then we're doing pretty badly, aren't we?

Some would have you believe that Jake is a movie about bullies. Wrong. This movie isn't about bullies. You see, a movie about bullies would actually try to look into bullying, try to have bullying in it, and have some sort of connection to reality. Alas, this movie is not that. As I said, it's not about bullies. It's about a few normal guys who, out of the fucking blue, decide to bother a kid. First, they hurl a piece of paper at him. Then, they call him gay. Then, they beat, piss on, and murder him.

See, that's the first problem. This script makes no fucking sense whatsoever. Why doesn't it make sense? For starters, it is ridiculously short. Not just short, but brief. There's a difference there. It's brief because none of the scenes are really written like reality. Everything's exposition, done in such a way as to accelerate the story. Unfortunately, what it ends up doing is turning the story into complete and utter nonsense. The first instance in which this is visible is in the bullying itself. Or the non-bullying. Ok, they throw a paper at the kid. So far, so good. Then they call him gay. Ok. Then, they beat him up, knock him unconscious, drag him to the forest, piss on him, hang him by a tree, and use him as a punching bag. This is what's generally known as "making no fucking sense whatsoever". When dramas make no sense whatsoever, we the audience respond negatively to them, because we can't be expected to connect to a nonsense story.

Since there's no character development, we really can't tell how these characters will act. But somehow, what we know doesn't add up. Ok, first of all, according to the main character, his friends weren't assholes. So what, all of a sudden his friends become sociopaths who murder someone they don't even know? You could argue that this guy didn't really know his friends. But then again, that doesn't explain why the main guy would PLOT TO MURDER A KID WHO HE BARELY KNOWS. If the reality is that the main character didn't realize his friend was a psycho, then what kind of idiot is he? Are we supposed to empathize with this dumbass?

More things don't add up. The "bad guy" tells the main character that the only reason they became friends with him was because they felt sorry he was such a loser. So let me get this straight. They befriend one loser. And when they meet another loser, they tie him up to a tree and piss on him. Make some fucking sense, please. Of course, you could argue that the only reason the bad guy said that was to get the main guy pissed off. To be perfectly honest with you, I doubt Dave's screenwriting skills allow for such subtlety.

As in another notoriously senseless movie (RETALIATION), character behavior doesn't match reality. The main character doesn't have any emotions. He doesn't panic when some kid's being killed. He doesn't feel bad. He doesn't vomit. He doesn't act guilty the next day. He just gets home and gets grounded. His narration is hilariously deadpan, too. There is no drama in this movie. The things that should be dramatic aren't, and the things that shouldn't be dramatic are. I'm particularly fond of one the lines of the bad guy after brutally beating, pissing on, and hanging a kid by a tree. The line was something like "guys, i know i went a little overboard there, but you know". WTF? It makes no sense. This is the type of thing that completely destroys the illusion of whatever drama you're watching. It reminds you that this is nowhere near being close to reality. As another magnificent example, when the main character tells the sister of the guy who's been killed that he knows who the killer is, she doesn't react with distrust, hatred, or anger. She just asks something like "well why didn't you tell me", and then DOESN'T beat him to death for his idiotic "he's my friend" explanation. My friend? My friend?!? He killed a kid he barely even know. Get your testicles reattached.

Dave's directing doesn't help this at all. He's got no sense of pacing, timing, or atmosphere. Things just happen. The movie seems to take place in an afternoon or two. There is no tension whatsoever. Where things should get increasingly paranoid, manic, and confusing, Dave keeps it pedestrian. The fact that there's hardly any music doesn't help it either.

In conclusion, Jake sucks. I probably forgot a million points, but I think you get the general idea. The plot could have been something, but it ends up not making as much sense as it should. Characters don't have emotions, and their dialogue can be so completely absurd that it kills whatever good vibe the movie was having.

1/5